Wednesday, 3 June 2015

When Life Seems Beyond Our Control...

For the last few months I have not been posting very often. So many things have been happening (other than the normal insanity), all of which have made posting very difficult.

To begin with I had cataract surgery on both eyes. While there were no irreversible complications, the results were disappointing and my vision was becoming blurred. Needless to say, writing was the last thing on my mind. I underwent a second surgery and I must state that I would never go through that again. The pain was incredible!

Weeks later, while shopping, I was pushed from behind with such force, that I felt like I was flying through the ai!. I landed on a bollard~on the right side of my chest. I think I blanked out for a few seconds and when I opened my eyes I was dizzy and disoriented. My first thought was that "something had exploded", but looking down all seemed in order. Someone helped me up and I made my way home. 
Several days later, when movement was nigh impossible I went to a doctor. After viewing the x-rays, he couldn't believe I had gone to work and ordered me home to bed and medication for seven days, but to my dismay staying in bed was easier said than done. The extremely strong medication  did little more than make me drowsy for short periods. After a week there were more x-rays which showed that the extensive damage to the inside of my chest cavity was what made breathing very difficult, and movement excruciating.All heals in time, but I admit that for the first time in my life I have become very aware of falling.

The other day, just when I was thinking that all was going well, and I was busy scrubbing the floor and thought I saw a flashing light from the side of my left eye, followed by what I thought a hair~but there was nothing there. Only a few minutes later, I began seeing dark black, vertical cracks appear i the left side of my was very strange, like space was breaking open. There was no real pain, just a feeling that my eyeball was being pushed out of my head. I went to the specialist next morning and in a nutshell, there is a vitreous gel in front of the retina, and in some cases (after cataract surgery) it pulls away, creating traction on the retina. In my case the retina has not yet detached, but I'm restricted in activity for now and my vision is cloudy. I also have a large number of "floaters" that were not there previously.

All in all, it is no great disaster~just a number of niggly little things that become irritating, making daily tasks slow and cumbersome.

In truth, these past weeks have given me time for reflection. While my life is relatively normal, and I have no serious complaints, I have realized a strong desire to make a change. This is not so easy when one is not so young, but none the less, I think it is time. The big question is:   What do I change to?

I still need to support myself and jobs are scarce. How can I find funds to "re-train" and look for new employment in a market where the young are coming out of college with no jobs~and at my age? So many questions but so far no answers... 

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